


Homecoming

by navree



Category: Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US), Real News RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Tension, also: jim's an ASS in this, be prepared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:41:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navree/pseuds/navree
Summary: He can't. He can't breathe, he can't breathe. Was Jim always this beautiful? Or did that absence makes the heart go fonder bullshit actually work?The night Trump announces Kavanaugh for the SCOTUS seat, Jim corresponds on shows where Jake's doing the panel. It's the first time they've been even remotely close since February.





	Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> monday, july 9, 2018, will go down as the day cnn tried to give me a heart attack. liz in that pink suit? jim and the pinstripes? jake's gonna be in helsinki? sciutto and the facial hair? an actual brief return of jimjake and the looks™ from hell? can't believe zucker wants me to die. so this is a short lil something about my more angsty feelings now that i've got pinksuitgate out of the way.  
> as always, comments (either positive or constructive) are always welcome and much appreciated!

Anderson asked if he wanted to be on 360º to talk SCOTUS, and Jake said yes. Why not? Vacation was fun for the Fourth, and Sciutto had done a stellar job filling in for him (even if he was a bit more serious than Jake), but damn he missed work. 

Maybe that makes him a huge nerd, who knows? 

He also says yes to a few other panels. People want his expertise, apparently. It makes him feel important, so why not. So he's here, tucking his glasses away and getting ready to be smart and just a touch pedantic. 

Can you still be called pedantic if you're aware of it? Surely the principle trait of a pedant is that they are thoroughly unaware, which adds to the annoyance of those around them. Jake's not like that, Jake's aware. 

He's aware of a lot of things. 

That's a problem. He's too observant for his own good. Jake sees things, all the time, and even though he's a good journalist the things he knows show up on his face. 

Like when he loves someone. That shows up on his face. Well, Jake doesn't need to worry about that anymore. He loves in private now. Loves his wife, loves his children. There's no one that shows up on air that makes him lay his emotions bear on his face. Hasn't been for a while.

"...CNN's Jim Acosta at the White House." It's like someone dumped ice water on Jake's head. If they weren't on air he'd haul Anderson by the collar and ask him _what the fuck!_ But they are on air and he's getting ready for the panel and yes, CNN's Jim Acosta is corresponding and for a moment Jake feels like death. 

He's there. He's there and he's real and he's actually looking directly into the monitor because Anderson's on it, not Jake, not like in February where by some pure happenstance they'd shoved him into _The Lead_ to talk about Hope Hicks resigning. Back then Jim had barely been able to look Jake in the eye, kept on glancing down or not looking directly at the monitor. Like he felt guilty. 

Like it hurt. 

It had hurt back then, seeing him, and God it hurts for Jake to see him now. He can't. He can't breathe, he can't breathe. Was Jim always this beautiful? Or did that absence makes the heart go fonder bullshit actually work? His brain is going a thousand miles a minute, and he knows that he must have that look on his face Rahmeen used to mock him about, the lovelorn one. 

But he can't stop it, it's Jim. Jim, the closest they've been in months. It's Jim, it's Jim and oh God Jake forgot just how much he felt about the man until he saw him again, and now he cannot stop looking at him. Anderson bids him farewell and the camera's on Jake but the monitor is still going. 

Jim was doing that farewell grimace he sometimes does, and it's just dropped completely. He looks completely stunned, stripped naked of all emotional defenses for one, and the look in his eyes is almost a look of terror. It'd be funny, otherwise. Jim, scared of Jake? Jake's not the one who did this. Jake never wanted this. It was all Jim's decision, and Jake respected it, but he never wanted it. 

Dana looks at him, nudges his leg with hers. It's a silent something, Jake's not sure what. Reassurance, maybe? A reminder that he's supposed to talk? The correspondent monitor goes out and Jake is able to stop looking at Jim's gorgeous, Botticelli angel face, and actually focus on what he came here to do. 

Even if this close brush bangs around at the back of his mind. 

 

 

 

So it goes throughout the evening. He talks and he acts smart and he talks SCOTUS and the shows he panels on keep on bringing Jim back, because of course. He's the Chief White House Correspondent. It makes sense, it really does. But every time Jake sees him on the monitor, it's a lancet of heartbreak. He wants to throttle him, he wants to kiss him, he wants to hold him, he wants to shake him.

He wants to ask him _why_. 

Jim went to the Vatican with the President, and either found religion or lost religion or something, in that sacred city, the holiest of Catholic holy places. His appearances on _The Lead_ became less and less frequent, and by the time October rolled around and whispers of Liz Landers reached his ear, Jake knew what was coming. He knew. 

What would become Jim's last scheduled day on _The Lead_ felt like the last time. They'd...well they'd done a lot of things the night before, and there had been an awful finality on Jim's end, with every kiss and touch and push and pull, something Jake hadn't remarked on. But when they'd gone over to him, at the White House, Jim hadn't looked Jake in the eye. He'd tried, but every time his eyes darted up he all but flung back down. 

If Jake had been smart, he would have done the same thing. But no. No if it was going to be the last time, he was going to drink in his fill. He'd barely blinked, barely done anything except stare and stare and try to memorize every detail of Jim's face. His paintbrush lashes, the arch of his cheekbones, the bow of his lips, the silver in his hair, his wide eyes. Committing everything to his mind. One time, Jim actually had looked up a bit, and in spite of himself Jake let the corner of his lip quirk up slightly. Like an acquiescence. 

What had that meant? _It's OK. Do it._

He had given Jim his permission to cut the chord, and that, longing, stare soaked, ashen day was indeed the last time Jim was every scheduled to appear on _The Lead_. He'd shown up again, purely on accident, but that was it. They were done. And so what exactly did Jim do after that? 

He. Froze. Jake. Out. 

No calls, no texts. Contact on social media was non existent. They didn't run into each other outside work, or even at work. If there was a party they were at together, Jim made sure that they were never within eyesight. It was like Jim was on a crusade to scrub Jake clean from his life, and Jake let him. He bowed out. He's pretty sure Jim being moved up wasn't a decision from corporate, that Jim had all but gotten to his knees to be taken off. He had ticked off every box with shocking ease. 

And it had been agony. He's still in agony, but you know. He can manage it now. 

But Jake's still reeling from Jim's unexpected appearances. It's like he got hit over the head with a mallet. Everything feels blurry, dizzy, like he's underwater, or had his head stuffed with cotton balls. He's packing up and doesn't even notice he's running into someone until he's literally running into someone. He's recuperating nicely from it until -

"Considering you're the only one with vision problems." Jim hands him back his reading glasses, with are dangling precariously from his fingers. Jake takes them, tucks them in his pocket, tries to make his lungs work. 

What is it? Is it how much more melodic his voice is in person? Or that he's honestly just so handsome that Jake's making sunshine and Icarus comparisons in his head? What? What is it about Jim Acosta that makes him like this? 

"Thanks." Jake's able to keep his voice fairly steady. Newscaster voice. Like when he reads about Nazis in Charlottesville or children being ripped away from their mothers. Newscaster voice. Neutral, cordial, factual. "What're you doing back here?" 

"I left a pocket square here when I was filling in for Wolf." Jim flashes a rueful smile. How's he doing this? How's he being so normal? Isn't this killing him too? "Normally it'd be fine, but it was a Father's Day presence from Peter, so." Yeah. Jake gets it. 

"You find it?" Jim nods. Jake knows he must be giving him that look he always gives, but he honestly can't help it. Jim wrings it out of him, almost against his will. Which is why he does what he does next. "You OK?" Jim tilts his head. "Do you...need anything?" He's awfully bad at disguising his voice now, at disguising just how badly he wants Jim, needs Jim even.

Something flickers across Jim's gaze*. For some inane, nonsensical reason, Jake thinks of the martyrs burning at the stake. Or Dido flinging herself on the pyre. Jim lifts a hand, brushes a strand of hair back from Jake's forehead, like he did sometimes in their quieter, post-coital moments. And then it moves down, along his throat, where Jim can no doubt feel the rapid pounding of his pulse. 

Jim's hand is anchored at the base of his neck now, pulls him close. He leans in, sinewy almost, so close that Jake can feel the heat radiating off him, body temperature too high as always. His lips are brushing the shell of Jake's ear, and he shivers slightly, tries not to lean into the touch. 

"I know that _you_ are perfectly comfortable with being unfaithful to your wife, but _I'm_ not going to do that to Liz." His voice is reminiscent of ice shards, an Arctic judgment. Jim slides his hand off Jake's skin, almost tender, but there's a cruel sheen in his eyes. He walks away without another word, like they'd just had a quick chat about the weather, or the SCOTUS pick. 

It's funny. Jake doesn't feel anything. Nothing at all. If Jim's voice was cold, then it seems to have had a freezing effect on him. Jake just feels completely numb.

 

 

 

*It's pain. Pure and unshackled pain. Because Jake looks at him and it looks like he's dying, like his love is killing him. And Jim feels suffocated by that look, suffocated by the sheer amount of Jake's love, and the fact that he won't be able to give it back. He can't. There's too much of it. Jim can't even give back a fraction of it. That's what's the most agonizing. That Jake feels all of this, and for the longest time Jim let him, knowing what the outcome would be eventually. 

And it was so easy to make the final cuts, last year, to just snip Jake out of his life completely. Once he put his mind to it, once he looked Liz in the eye and realized he wasn't able to give her up, he took the necessary steps to end it. He begged to be taken off the show, he made sure never to get anywhere near Jake Tapper again. It was the right thing to do, and so natural. 

Like God, in all His cruelty, had this planned out from the very first touch, from the very first "Mr. Acosta". 

But seeing him now had brought it all back, and Jim had known that if he let Jake in, just for a moment, he'd have to start the whole process from last fall all over again. So once the panic from seeing Jake on the monitor had passed, once he shoved down the joy of seeing his face again, of having but a few degrees of separation between them, the minute he saw Jake try and open that door again, he slammed it shut. 

He was awful. He was cruel. He did what had to be done. 

If Jake feels numb right now, that's because he's given all his emotions to Jim, who's feeling them all too intensely, white hot. How had this happened? How had this godawful homecoming happened? 

It's pain. The look Jake saw on Jim's face, the one that made him think of fire and sacrifice, it was pain. 


End file.
